The One About Valentines Day.Friday, 13 February 2015
Because you don't have enough Valentines related posts on your feed...here's another one!
Every 14th February I dislike, not for the same reasons as most however. It reminds me of the missing presence of someone who I loved. Of someone who looked after me relentlessly, someone who was pretty much the coolest woman you’d have met if you were lucky enough and had a laugh that was so contagious. A woman I aspire to be like just like my mum does. I’m reminded it’s another birthday not celebrated, another birthday that is spent with flowers and photos rather than the person. But in some sort of way it makes me happy because she’s with the man she loves now, who I never really got to know all too well because I was a baby, but I know he loved me too. I do believe even when someone is gone, and I mean really gone, the love doesn’t stop and I guess there’s comfort in knowing that for me at least.
Valentines for me is so over commercialised and just a way to feel validated. Don’t get me wrong, I get why people delve into it but surely, and I don’t have experience on this front whatsoever, you should be displaying your love anyway…every day. It’s almost viewed as a celebration for couples like “HERE IS A HUMAN WHO CAN TOLERATE ME!” (good on them) whereas we singles are like it’s just… Saturday and I’m still not going to get dressed unless I really have to. It imprints silly ideals onto some people.
Let’s take a look at my love life stats shall we?
Age: 19 years and 356 days
Number of dates: 0
Number of relationships: 0
Number of interests: 1 at least, I think/hope.
Number of times hopes raised and definitely had a bit of achey brakey heart: 2 …. Plus boy band members and any sort of celebrity: a strong 37
Probably doesn’t look all that great in comparison to others but guess what it’s totally okay. I’m actually okay with it… now. A recent escapade (I say recent, more like a year ago) has made me realise just how crappy the whole thing can be and I’ve taken on the approach of it’ll happen when it happens, to stop looking for it because I don’t actually know what I’m looking for and mostly nice people aren’t always as nice as portrayed. Taking someone’s rejection and making it a reflection on you can be poisonous. God knows I did that for way too long. I teared myself apart so desperately to find out what I could change about myself because I wasn’t clearly good enough for one person and made me more anxious than I already was. However I definitely wasn't in love with said person/s, just interested, still crappy.
But honestly? Eff that.
Why should you change for someone? When/if the day comes someone decides to actually love me, I don’t want it to be for their standards, but for me because as I said the other day and this is an actual quote “I’m fabulous so who's really losing here?” Okay, maybe a little self-righteous and cider filled of a sentence to declare but you get my point.
I think it’s an experience I needed. It was a confidence boost (and drop but hey) because I realised I can tell people how I feel despite how terrifyingly brutal it can be and I’m proud of myself for doing so, for empowering myself and to be honest, something’s aren’t supposed to be and that’s fine. I’m not even upset or mad over it anymore. Its life and these things happen and will probably happen again. For those with no idea on what goes into a relationship or well anything on the subject it’s easy to be swayed by how they work in film or TV. No matter how many tips I get from Gossip Girl, I’m not Blair Waldorf, I don’t have princes wanting to marry me and I definitely don’t have a Chuck Bass still chasing and loving me straight for about 4 seasons.
So with that all being said one key thing to remember for my single ladies (and lads), the mind is a master of trickery. Just because one idiot decided they didn’t like/love you it doesn’t mean you’re not loved. Who are the people you’d turn to when you most needed them and when you’re crying because it really quite hurts a bit? When you’re on your 16th round of “The Sad Songs to Cry To” playlist that actually exists on spotify. (OH THE DRAMA) Those people love you. Your friends, your family and most definitely your dog have an undying amount of support and love for you so don’t forget that.
Whatever you’re doing this weekend, remind someone you love them. For me, my valentine’s day is going to be spent with my best friends, wine and seeing some of our favourite bands that will let us relive being 15. To me, that’s the perfect night. Just remember one day someone is going to be so overwhelmingly in love with you, you’ll forget the ones who left you crying on toilet floors of bars whilst desperately trying to get rid of the mascara stains on your knuckles. You’ll find a love worth fighting for and it’s going to be worth it… okay I’ve definitely watched way too many rom coms recently and I think I just made myself a little bit sick.
Well didn’t this post take many a turn?