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Anyone else got a sense of deja vu because I sure do. Hi hello, I'm back writing and hopefully for longer than a 3 month stint before falling off the edge of the earth again.

In a non cliche way (trust me the cliches are coming) I've grown up a lot since starting blogging at 17 and I am such a different person that I don't feel connected to anything I really ever put online then hence a lot of it happily making it's way to the recyling bin. Now at 21 I have so much more to say about the shit that matters and actually interests me be that from social, cultural or a just book I've fallen in love with. The dad jokes and swearing are staying though, sorry mum.

Let's get a little emo for a second, sorry to your cringe glands which will probably want to explode after this...

The past few months have been a strange affair. Over the summer I broke a little bit to put it simply. I was a complete and utter anxious mess. I was sad, not a cry and you'll be over it sad but a sad that just wasn't going. Everything was heavy and unbearable to deal with. It didn't come from one thing, but a whole heap of things that I didn't expect to be thrown my way all at once. It's a very odd thing to feel so disconnected and uninspired. Now Sad Trudy is someone I don't particularly enjoy and BOY is she my worst. Happy Trudy is incredible, I love her. She's all sorts of confident and silly but Sad Trudy you want to avoid and run into the distance and hide from until the storm blows over. I didn't know what I was doing, where I was going or who was going to be there along the way. I toughed it out with an incredible amount of help and distractions from my friends and made it. I'm okay, I feel me again and that is a fucking incredible feeling. Without throwing all the cliches at you, I realised it's so okay to feel lost because ultimately you will find your way again. It's ridiculous now looking back, I can find the humour in it and even see how stupid I was being at times for being overly hard on myself. You will wake up one day and those heavy feelings wont be there. You will be happy again, you just have to tough it out and it sucks but my god is it worth it. If you ever do get into that position, please just talk to someone. Get it out, Don't ever keep it to yourself or feel like you have to tough it out alone because there are people that care and want the best for you. Most importantly never apologise for how you feel because it's valid. Brains are strange things aren't they?

emo spiel over.

As it stands, I'm happy and so excited towards things, I have a list of ideas and stuff I want to do as long as my arm, some travel plans, a heap of shows coming up and maybe delving back into working on my script writing so expect a lot of talk about women in film.  So, welcome back and let's hope Trudy 3.0 sticks to her word.

Photo of me looking like a painfully awkward moon by @JonDBarker 


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